Saturday, January 07, 2006
Student Council
I know of many who long to be student councillors, yet cant even be one, however much effort they put in. Then there are some that dont yearn to be even associated with the council, for certain of their own mindset. As far as i am concerned, i believe there are many teachers who feel that i shouldnt be in the student council. And they are not alone. Because i dont think i should be in the council either. Lets look at it..Role Model. Councillors are meant to be Role Models. So just what am i? A role model? That must be a complete joke. First off, i dont hand up my homework on-time most of the time. How am i supposed to be a role model when i dont even set the right example in-class? Theres no way im one. Nextly, i tend not to bring my sch stuff on-time either. If i was really a role model, then the sch would most likely be a hoax. Lastly, i dont even LOOK like a role model. Look at my basic facial features, i am just not one who look disciplined, no matter how short i cut my hair. Within a month, my hair would certainly outgrow the sch rules all the time, Long Sideburns, Sloped Hair at back, and that self-raising 'baby hair' at my forehead. Dont i just look smart? =)Some might be wondering why i actually joined the council in the first place, since i say i dont wish to be in it. The reasons would be a little complicated.. until now, i still have no idea how the hell have i lasted all the way until now...What i feel would be Fulfill, Spite, Prove, Respect and Repay.Fulfill. As Mrs Ng had wished for me to be, i made sure i got into the Council during the interview (actually not much of an attempt, just answered everything truthfully except the question "do you want to be in the council?" question). I still have no idea why she nominated me in the 1st place, but until now, a reason i am still in the council would be me trying to fulfill what i promised her since the day of the interview - to get in the council with my heart and passion for the job. Unfortunately, i have none.. as i continue to try to handle the job... with my heart and passion.. not forgetting that i have lost my passion for this world.. and possibly the heart..Spite. That would be for Mrs Gan, i guess. She seems to derive joy in torturing me indirectly in-class, and since she had warned me indirectly the 1st day i wore the councillor badge that she would try to dispose me should she find that i still have not been handing up my homework, i figured i might want to try and stay afloat and aloof, to Spite her.. Though i still have huge question marks over such silly intentions of mine..Prove. This is for Mdm Liu Jian. I just wish to show her that i can make it, that the Council will not pull my grades down, that it will not wear me out, even if i continue my erring ways of discontinued homework production. I just wish to prove to her that she was not wrong about me, and that i can meet up to her expectations. But she is no longer around. So is this still a reason? I really dont know..Repay and Respect. With all due great Respect, Mr Murali. What can i actually say. It was he who accepted my interview, he who appointed me. Ever since i joined the Student Council, i have learnt the most from him. Improving me as a person, and giving me some of the much-needed confidence to overcome the many barriers i have in me. He is also the teacher in Clementi Town whom i respect the most. If it wasnt for him, i would really still be that imbecile moron who never seemed to learn and grow. I remember he asked of me to remodel my image in school if i wish to be appointed, but have i? I doubt so.. I am now in the council because of him, and i am willing to stay on as long as he is around, or as long as he wants me to. I leave my life for him to will, to Repay him, and as a form of my Respect for him, however much disrespectful i seem to be, especially to him.These are the 4 reasons i have dug out of myself for staying on in the Council. If i really could choose, im willing to quit the council now, and focus a little more on my academics. To be truthful, i do wish to quit the council soon.. i really dont feel at ease when leading. It just doesnt make me feel like myself. I HATE the role, the burden. I am willing to do my share of work with all that i have, but i just dont wish to lead. But as always, the burden comes down to me. In fact, it comes down to the most of us. They tell me that i have the potential for greatness, the guts to stand up, the intellect to think, and the will to perform, the potential to lead. But what they dont know, is my inconsistency, and my weakness in a wide deal of areas. What they think seems to be potential is just my ability to think out of the box, to think in another direction, nothing more. I guess theres no1 who will understand what i really am thinking, but that is the truth. I am now confused.. totally no idea what i am doing.. no idea why.. no idea how.. no idea what to do next..and the council isnt my only doubt as well..
Jinius Tan Ha Ha [1/07/2006 08:25:00 PM]
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