.~*The Realistic Life...My Sullen World*~.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Sick and Sickening...

son of a day...?im starting to feel the heat of upper sec life...on a general scale...as well as personal...if only i was devoid of feelings...but are my emotions too extreme?seems to me i always go the extra mile for every thing...and really...my mum oughts to know what the heck is really going on in my head...

early in the morning...felt abit of headache...mum decided to piss me off...she accused me of giving her my own laundry to do...when i washed mine on tuesday...and so...my PE shirt was soaked and all...so i contacted nic ask for xtra PE shirt...den he said still wet...so i call nelson...he bo PE so long...obviously have 1 wad...but the crap was that he handed me the smallest he had...nelson bro...u dont judge ppl's size by their height...so i borrowed a PE shirt...and mum blasted me for not having my own...but heck her...so to sch i went...neck was getting more and more strained by the moment...mind getting heavier and heavier...managed to endure the english lesson...although the transparencies smudged with red ink irritated my eyes...im a little allegic to bright red u see...PE...i told Mr Loh im feeling sick...he thought i was joking...replied me u feeling sick mentally or physically...go sit down now...lucky it was just a free-to-do-anything-u-like-except-games period...so i did nothing...until Mr Loh forced us run shuttle run...i ran...shoes were slippery...kept sliding here and there...almost fell...still managed timing 9.8s(i thought it was 10.8s...but ppl at the back were saying 9.8s...Mr Loh too)...but the timing came at a price...my knee bone got hit when i reached for the 2nd bean bag...bent too low i think...pain lah...stagger again...aftr that...back to class...chinese...i rush finish the letter-writing...by then head was vry giddy...den recess...spinning was my head...aftr recess...physics felt worst...face was getting high-pressure and burning too...for the 2nd consecutive lesson...didnt know what the fuck tan baby was blabbering of...too obsessed with decifering something...den chem...elaine and boxiang nvr memorise chem again...kept looking at me...den both tio pump...boxiang kept blaming me...i told him soluble...but he actually fell for murali trick say insoluble...blame me for what...Maths...crap lesson...so sick...still have to do those sums...my neck was breaking...head felt swelled...cant stand the pressure...i moaned a few times in class...my brain always hurts when i do a maths question after another...its just the intensity of the searing pain that matters...sometimes its real pain...sometimes its not...doctors have said my mentality is abnormal...they say i focus myself on a maths question so much i use more than 1% of my brain cells to think...my brain hurts...they may be right...i take maths as a challenge...my parents believe that the higher grades received for maths,the higher problem-solving skill i have...so i normally give what i feel i have to score for maths...so i guess i will be having headaches for the O Levels...

sorry im a disappointment...sorry i ignored your presence...its not a matter of 'i dont'...its a matter of...'i fear'...i know there are others who know about this now...and i normally feign immune to ur existance...it is of my deepest regrets...for fears of embarassing u...if i approached u...we would feel the heat...if i didnt...u would feel the disappointment...or at least i think so...the easiest was to smile as i walked pass and say hi...but when i tried to...u looked away...u have added a new dimension to my life...a ray of hope...yet when this hope is absent...the world becomes dull...worst than it was...so now im caught between 2 things...to do or not to do...seriously...i need to get more decisive...for now...i can only present u my sincerity and my deepest apologies to my actions...

.~*Day of Evasion*~.

Jinius Tan Ha Ha [4/07/2005 03:37:00 PM]

******